Friday, March 24, 2017

Short Hair (This Time I Care)

By now you should know just how much I love changing up my hair. By changing my hair, I sort of always mark a new start, a new beginning of something, I feel like a new person. Typically this involves dying my hair a new color - damaging but easily reversible (in case I don't like the color). However, this time around I went for a more drastic and more lasting change. I wanted a new haircut, so 40 minutes and 10 inches off my hair later, I was looking like a new person with a new, short cut. Why did I do it? Maybe I just wanted a fresh, stylish haircut. Or maybe I had an extremely tough couple of weeks and was going through a mini meltdown...

I am trying to come up with a perfectly plausible explanation of what brought on this change and I am really struggling. I have always associated my long hair with something that made me more attractive, more feminine, and just more "me". I am fully aware that my long hair was never in a good condition, especially given all the damage I had done by constantly changing my hair color, but regardless long hair was my security blanket. I remember when I was a child, I cut my hair short and I absolutely hated it. That time I swore that I would never cut it short again. And I haven't until now. 

This time, I just needed a change that was bigger and more meaningful than simply changing the color of my hair. I knew that I would like myself with this short haircut much less than I like myself with long hair. But in a way I wanted to do it for that reason, as if I finally wanted to take my mind off of what I thought made me more attractive and instead start focusing on what is inside. It's like I wanted to be more unnoticeable in a way, to just hide in my thoughts and to finally be sympathetic towards myself and the people around me. Chopping off those inches of hair was a good way to let go of some prejudices I had about what makes me me. It's not the length of my hair, it's not the size of my clothes, it's not the amount of makeup I put on; it's the lessons I learn and the information I acquire, it's the struggles I go through and the goals I achive, it's the kind thoughts I have towards the people around me, and it's the learning of having those kind thoughts towards myself.


  1. I love the hair! I have always thought of my hair as an accessory--no different from earrings, etc. If you decide you don't like how it looks, grow it back--or cut it shorter. Have fun with it (just like jewelry).

    1. True, Ms. Madeline! But you know me, I over-analyze everything and take everything way too seriously :)