Sunday, September 17, 2017

What is Happiness?

What is happiness? I keep looking for things that will ultimately make me happy. Finding myself, sticking to my diet, doing quality work, focusing on my creativity, going out, etc. But the more I focus on one thing, the more the other things on that list get abandoned, and I still end up not being entirely happy. One of my friends once told me that we cannot give our 100% to all the things we are interested in; therefore, we should really focus on one or two, and keep the rest to a minimum. The more I try to do it all, the more I realize that she might have been right. But it is so hard to prioritize, especially when your interests change so frequently. So following this logic, does this mean that essentially I will never be happy? I wouldn't like to think so. 

Today I realized something. As I opened the Photos folder on my laptop, it opened to a photograph that my stepdad took on my birthday, when we all (him, my mom and I) had a celebration in Philadelphia. I looked so happy there! And it hit me - why do I keep looking for happiness when it's right here, right next me? I have wonderful, supporting parents; we are all very independent people trying to focus on our own "crafts," but when we get together, time seems to freeze. Well actually, time seems to fly even faster when we are together, because we always have so much fun we don't even notice how days go by, but our moments together freeze in our memories forever. Together, we don't need to pretend, we don't need to play roles, we don't need to be self-conscious about how we act, what we say and what we feel. We get each other. I think this is happiness - being able to be your own person, but always knowing that you have a place where people just get you, just the way you are. 




Saturday, September 9, 2017

Makeup Experiment

One of my vices is buying loads of makeup and never using it. I pretty much have a Sephora store in my apartment; more than half of the makeup I bought it still unopened. This time I was going to a party and I decided to experiment with something new. I decided to try a very dark lip. I know it's a bit too dark for me and it is very unusual to see me in this style, but I actually really like it! Makeup is fun as it gives you a great way to try various styles.



Friday, September 8, 2017

Unanswered Question

How do you find balance? And more importantly, how do you maintain that balance? I thought I had it figured out, until last night (and this is going to sound very stupid). I came across some old popstar videos (Britney Spears, J-Lo, Shakira, etc.), the videos and song I used to watch and listen to in my teenage years. It was fun at first, to revisit the old memories, to realize how much my music preferences have changed. Then I began getting very sad. All of a sudden I realized just how many years have gone by, and how those years cannot be brought back. I started thinking about how much my life has changed, how much I have changed, and how much I still struggle with the simplest things in life. It threw me off balance. Aren’t we supposed to get more fearless, confident and accepting with age?

I could not pinpoint what exactly it was about those songs that made me experience the emotions I had. I know I am getting older, and to be honest, I like the person I have become and I am grateful with where I am in life. So then what is it? What am I missing? Am I afraid of getting older? Or is it just a normal, nostalgic feeling for the good old times?

I normally come up with answers for my own questions when I write these blog posts (that’s mainly the reason I write them in the first place), but this time, I don’t have an answer, just a lot of mixed-up emotions. Well, hopefully it’ll come to me.



Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Former You

Do you ever miss the "former you"? It's funny, as a child I was a very shy kid. It was hard for me to socialize and be around people I did not know. I had my few friends with whom I would spend time every once in a while, but the majority of my time was spent by myself, studying or working on my personal projects. I was always able to occupy myself, but I was almost always working on things solo. As much as I wanted to be a social butterfly, I just was not, and I remember it made me very upset as I wanted to be more out there. 

I remember when I was moving to the United States, I had a goal to become a better version of myself, which for me meant being more outgoing and investing into my various interests. Years later, I live in my favorite city, I have friends and acquaintances all over the world, I am getting better at investing into my interests and well-being and I tend to be the one to stay until the end of every party. I can say I have accomplished my original goal to a certain extent, even though I still beat myself up for not being confident or outgoing enough. Of course, I am still working through some things, but in general I am much more outgoing now than I used to be.

Today, I came to work with a strange feeling of missing the days when I was just a quiet kid. Being more outgoing is definitely a plus because it makes it easier for me to experience the various opportunities life throws my way. But it can also be tiring because you have to constantly keep it up. Otherwise once you stop, it's very hard to pick yourself up and get back into the social scene (I guess this mostly applies to people who are not naturally outgoing). In addition, once you start opening up to people, they want to know more and more and before you know it some things that you were so great at keeping a secret start coming out and you start losing your uniqueness and "mysteriousness". You also start having less time to focus on your priorities because you always want to be out and about. 

Just a couple of days ago I was getting upset about not being more confident hanging out with a group of friends. But all these thoughts are making me realize that I am grateful for the person I am today and I should not be so focused on trying to let go of my quieter side. There is nothing wrong with being the quieter one. I think it's time to finally learn to love that former Olga, the shy, quiet, but very determined kid, who is still very much a part of the "new" me (thankfully).


Saturday, August 19, 2017

Answers

There are so many questions in life, and frequently in our pursuit of answers to those questions we forget to just live and enjoy the world around us. We will never have a final answer on who we are, because we are constantly changing, evolving, growing; however, there are certain things that stay with us throughout the years.  I am not the same person I used to be 10, 5, 2 years ago, but I still have the same interests I had 10, 5, 2 years ago. Therefore, instead of focusing on putting a definitive label on ourselves, let's focus on expanding our goals, on investing into our interests and on fulfilling our dreams. 








Sunday, August 13, 2017

Oh, San Francisco

This year I got a chance to take another trip to San Francisco. I went there almost exactly a year ago and fell in love with this city. It's foggy and rarely sunny, it's cold in the summer, but it's absolutely beautiful. The atmosphere there reminds me of New York, but a West Coast version of New York. I love walking through the street of San Francisco, taking in all the energy of this Northern Cali treasure. I definitely hope I can plan another trip soon!






Saturday, June 17, 2017

Outside of My Comfort Zone

Today my parents were coming to New York to enjoy a whole day of fun activities and Father's Day celebrations.

For my outfit, I decided to do something outside of my comfort zone. When I tried on these items, I definitely liked how the outfit looked, but my instant reaction to seeing myself in it was "Gosh, I look like a barbie doll. People definitely won't take me seriously." However, the more I was walking around outside, the more I was realizing that people were actually admiring my choice. 

I have been giving a lot of thought to figuring out what my style is. The more I analyze my style, the more I realize that I have a very eclectic way of dressing. I always go for unique, sometimes "weird" pieces. You may not agree with me though - not because what I am saying is not true, but because you don't see me wearing those pieces. They rarely make it out in public. Even through I gravitate towards those out-of-ordinary items, I usually just bring them home, hang them up in my closet, and go for something more low-key, something "normal". My unique pieces end up staying in my closet for months and sometimes years while I am waiting for the right moment to wear them. The problem is that while I love how those pieces look, I always feel too self-conscious to actually wear them in public. 

I'm realizing now how sad and wrong this is. I live in New York City, the capital of fashion, self-expression and living outside of one's comfort zone, and I feel self-conscious following my internal fashion instincts. This needs to change, and I am definitely working on that. I am now trying to wear those items that have been in my closet for a while. And I am now trying to really embrace those "weird" items. 













Sunday, June 11, 2017

Good Hair Day

This post has some pictures of me the day after my friend's wedding. The only reason for it is that I really liked how my hair looked in these pictures. I am the laziest person when it come to doing my hair, so since I got a chance to get it done professionally, I did not want to miss a chance to capture it on camera. 






Sunday, June 4, 2017

Governors Ball

This year, I decided to finally do the things I have been planning to do for a long time. I always have all these ideas of going places, doing things, attending events which tend to remain just ideas. There have even been a few instances where I purchased tickets but ended up just staying in. Wasteful, I know. This summer, I am trying to change that - I am buying tickets and I am attending the events I buy them for. 

This weekend my friend and I were planning to attend one of New York City's biggest music events - the Governors Ball. Located on Randall's Island, an island in the East River that is situated between Manhattan, The Bronx, and Queens, Governors Ball is a three-day music festival allowing its attendees to see their favorite bands, walk around, meet people, eat, drink and have fun. It is not cheap, but it was supposed to provide our money's worth. 

We had tickets only for one day of the festival, so on Sunday we took the Manhattan ferry and headed over to the event. It was raining pretty much all day, but regardless, the experience was amazing. This was my first big music festival, and I can say that the event is definitely worth the money. The atmosphere of the festival was just so inspiring and motivational. To think that all these musicians are world-known and we get to see them perform right in front of us. They are the people who once had dreams and made it a point to pursue their passion and make it into something big. Great lesson to us all to not give up, to continue working on achieving our goals and dreams, and one day who knows where we will end up... The opportunities are limitless.