Thursday, May 26, 2016

Have I Changed?

It's getting closer and closer to my four year New York anniversary - in about half a month, it'll be four years since I moved to this amazing city (yes, I still absolutely think it is amazing). This morning, I keep going through the memories of when I just moved here, those first few days of living on my own in this crazy busy city. Was I scared? Was I naive? Did I have regrets about my decision to move here? Scared and naive - maybe; but regrets? Never. Of course I have been through a few phases of "I have to move out and try something else," but you know you're in the right place when the idea of leaving it makes your eye tear up. And that is how I still feel about New York. 

Today once I got to work, I opened my blog and started looking at the posts from June of 2012, the month and year when I moved here. And boy have things changed! At a first glance, I look almost the same, except for the hair color - I was blonde back then. I was also skinnier, but that's a totally different story. But as I looked closer, as I tried to remember my feelings and emotions from back then, I realized that I did change, maybe not as much on the outside, but definitely on the inside. As I started comparing myself today to myself four years ago, I realized that I am not scared anymore. I definitely know more now than I knew before, and what's important is now I know what to do with this knowledge. I can see through things and it feels good to know exactly what's going on and to choose how to react in certain situations. I was naive, I was wearing pink-colored glasses and hoping for the brightest future without any hurdles, troubles, mistakes. And now I know that there is no such thing. And there shouldn't be. How would you expect to learn, to grow, to become a better person if you never make mistakes or deal with any problems? It is still a learning process, but I am starting to welcome changes, to take on bigger challenges and to live my life day by day, instead of hoping for the bright future. 

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