Saturday, May 30, 2015

May 30th

There is a fine line between being thin and being too thin. When did it become not only socially accepted but also encouraged and praised to believe that skinny equals beautiful? Please stop the nonsense - you are beautiful just the way you are. Having myself gone through a whole whirlwind of issues dealing with an eating disorder, this is a cry out loud for all the girls out there who may be falling under the tight grip of this cruel illness. Don't think that you can just get to a certain point and stop. Eating disorders are a big catch 22 - the further you get, the further you want to go. It's never enough. You're never thin enough, pretty enough, good enough. The most upsetting part is this problem never goes away, you can probably never be entirely cured from an eating disorder. There are and will be times when I go back to the same mindset where I feel like I need to be thinner to be happy. The ability to quickly lose weight and stay skinny is like a drug, you feel in control. If you feel like everything is falling apart around you, there is this one thing you can have total control over. And the further you get, the better you feel emotionally (while physically, you are destroying your body). It is all complete nonsense. After nine years of having had dealt with eating disorders, I cannot believe I am now able to admit it. I cannot believe I am actually able to see how horrible things used to be and be able to shut up that stupid voice that tells me otherwise. And today I am celebrating. It's been exactly a year since I determined to stop torturing myself. So I'm celebrating my victory over this struggle, my willpower, my sanity and my newly gained love and appreciation for myself.

{Celebrating at the Russian Tea Room, New York City}

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations, Olga! I've had a long, hard, painful way to finally say so! Love you so much and so proud of you! You did it!