Sunday, July 7, 2013

Enemy

I feel like most of the time I am my worst enemy… Instead of breaking out of my bad habits and focusing on my own health and well-being, I keep making bad, unhealthy choices. Knowing in advance that the decision I make is wrong and will do me no good, I still do not hesitate before going straight for it. What is the brain chemistry behinds this? What are the triggers that push me to the edge on such occasions, which happen to occur a little too often lately… Every morning I wake with the same goal – to start fresh, to break out of the vicious cycle, to get back on track. Every morning I feel inspired. Every morning begins full of hopes and a commitment to get better. However, as the day progresses, as the light of the day changes to dullness of the evening, and as emotions of that day build up, all determination and inspiration from the morning dissipates into the twilight, and all that’s left is the bad judgment and careless decisions. “Where does it come from?” I ask myself. “From within,” I hear myself saying. How can I change this? How can I make healthy decision-making become a lifestyle, not sporadic episodes of my life? Something’s gotta give, something’s gotta change, and change drastically. The change has to come from within, from the same place all this self-diminishing behavior comes from. I need to change the focus and fill the emptiness with love – love for what I do, love for who I am, love for something and someone out there…





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