Saturday, April 27, 2013

L.A. Life

Exactly one week ago I was sitting at this same desk, stressing out about the upcoming business trip to Los Angeles, CA the next day. While I was excited to visit a new city, to go to the West coast where I have never been before, I was at the same time terrified of the overall idea of the trip and the amount of responsibility associated with it. I thought to myself: “As soon as this trip is over, my life will be back to normal.”
Well, now the trip is over, I’m back to New York, and, believe it or not, but I actually miss LA now! I am not sure whether it’s the fact that this is my first ‘real’ business trip that made me grow attached or I actually simply liked the city, but I came back with very good, positive emotions and a bit of a longing.
I must say I didn’t really see that much of the city, as the only route I took was from the hotel to the Convention Center (which was 11 miles away and took over an hour to get to! Crazy traffic!); however, I still got a good feel of it. It’s interesting in a way that it’s actually very suburban but even so you still get the true city feel.
The trip has been a great, educational and motivational experience: so many lessons learned, so many positive experiences lived, so many mistakes taken into consideration for the future improvement – and that is exactly what I consider a successful trip!
{View from the hotel room}

{The restaurant in the back of the hotel}

{A red carpet event - all work-related}

{Downtown L.A.}

{Look who I met! Johnny Depp! Ok, it's not really him - it's an impersonator, but doesn't he look exactly like him?!}

Thursday, April 18, 2013


Up to this point I have pretty much never questioned why certain things happen to me (or anyone) in my life. I have always been a true believer that everything happens for a reason. However, this whole week I have been in a certain haze; I feel like everything has turned upside down. Worst of all, I keep asking myself: “Why? Why did this happen? Why is this happening now?” I hate this feeling, the feeling of knowing exactly what you want, probably for the first time in your life, but also knowing that that something is absolutely wrong and pretty much impossible to get. And that’s what you get for having a little too much fun on a weekend, while at the same time not letting yourself live it to the fullest. “Live in the moment,” someone told me, and it was a great lesson I learned; I wish it was so easy to do, though…

Shirt: Calvin Klein;  Pants: via Bedazzled Boutique;  Shoes: INC;  Belt: Anne Klein;  Jewelry: NY & Company

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Blacks to Brights

Before I moved to New York City I had been hearing rumors about how everyone here prefers black to any other color. While I thought I will be completely immune to this fact, with my love for bright colors and prints, I just recently realized that I've quickly been drawn into this trend – I indeed have been wearing a lot of black lately. However, that is going to change very soon, as the warmer, brighter days are just around the corner. To facilitate the transition, I have a shopping bag full of bright-colored clothes sitting on my bedroom floor, ready to be hung in my closet (when time permits), and a Macy’s order of bright new shoes on its way. Can’t wait to shed all these heavy, dark coats and boots and enjoy the light and fun spring/summer spirit!

Dress: Express;  Necklace: Armani Exchange;  Sunnies: Escada;  Shoes: INC

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Today is my grandma’s (who lives in Russia) birthday. This, combined with a fact that my mom is going to Russia at the end of this week, makes me incredibly, indescribably homesick. No matter how much time has passed since we moved here, no matter how great things are going, no matter how much I love living here, there is no place like home. While on an average day all is fine, there are days sometimes when random memories from before I moved here pop up in my mind, making it almost impossible to focus on something else and fight back the sudden urge to cry.

From the very first day we moved to the US, I made a clear point to eliminate any particles of Russian culture from our every-day life (no Russian music, no Russian movies, no Russian books, very limited communication with my family and friends in Russia) to expedite the process of grasping the new language, the new culture, the new system of values and traditions. I believe this has helped me adjust to the new circumstances; however, in a way, this has created a sort of obsessive behavior, where I would avoid watching Russian movies scared to ‘lose’ my knowledge of English or I would not read Russian classics because I feel like my English is not good enough to allow myself to choose a Russian book over an American one (and it would be absolutely insane for a fluent Russian speaker to read Russian classics in English).

Only recently have I given myself permission every once in a while to have ‘cheat days,’ where I would indulge in the elements of my native culture (watch some Russian shows, movies, listen to the music). The result? Instead of it becoming a fun, enjoyable experience, every time it ends up becoming a painful one. Only now am I becoming fully aware that it is not the fear of inability to grasp the new culture fully enough that keeps me away from all those activities but the fear of pain and sadness they may bring. Only now do I realize that by eliminating all these elements and memories I subconsciously try to cope with the big emptiness left inside after leaving my home country (I just literally burst into tears writing this… so weird!!!). The overall experience of moving to a different country does not only put you through an array of severe obstacles in the beginning of the journey, it leave a huge, incurable mark, or scar, that keeps flaring up when you least expect it.

The worst thing is that I can say with great confidence that I would not want to move back to Russia, as this country suits me better in a lot of ways. However, there are certain things and certain memories that will always bring back the heavy nostalgic feelings leaving an immense burden inside my heart; things that I should always hold on to, no matter how hard it gets, because at the end of the day they are the things that define me.

Since this [very depressing, sorry!] post is all about my younger years in Russia, I am going to share a few of the photos from my home country:

{{Me and my best buddy Vladik. We lived on the same floor in apartments that were facing each other. We hung out all the time. I still consider him my brother}

{My very first day of school. I'm the one of the right}

{My friend Igor's birthday}

{My cousin Anna's wedding. In the middle is my dad}

{Second grade of school New Year's celebration - I am the one on the right in the purple gypsy costume, hand-made by my mom} 

{With my dance group in International Camp for Kids "Orlenok"}

{A game of I don't even remember what, still in "Orlenok" with my dance group. At the time this kiss on the cheek was my happiest moment as this guy was my first 'true love' J

{With my dance group in "Orlenok" - I'm in the middle in beige fur coat}

{My dance group was invited to Greece, where we stayed for a month performing every night  and enjoying the amazing experience}

{All the girlies from my dance group. I'm second from the left}

{I still cannot believe I did it!}

{Graduating from middle school, with my teacher and classmates}

{Receiving my middle school certificate from the principal of our school}

{With my girlfriends at graduation}

Dancing - Through the Years

{With my cousins, Veronika and Alina, whom I miss terribly! I'm in the middle}

2008 - First trip to Russia
{With another cousin - my lovie Katusha. Miss her so so much!}

2010 - Second trip to Russia
{With my grandma (best grandma is the world, whose birthday is today) and cousin Alina}

{With cousin Katusha singing our hearts out}

{And there's more singing...}

{No comment}

The End