Lately, I have been going back and forth on the idea of ‘finding your true self’ and ‘being who you really are’. I keep coming across these beautiful quotes that I post all over Facebook that help me remember to ‘be myself’. But if one does not know who they really are, how is it possible to ‘be themselves’?
The other day, I texted my mom saying “You know, I think I know where all my sadness and confusion come from. Vladik (my best friend back in Russia) and I spoke about it when I went to Russia a few weeks ago. We were talking about being ‘wannabes’ and how that really affects our lives.” We are the people who want to achieve some specific creative dreams – like being a musician, an artist, a writer – but are unable to. Usually this inability to achieve those dreams is caused not by the lack of skills and talents, but by our own fears. I can’t say that I’m a great artist, writer or musician, but if I were to dedicate myself more to any or all of these activities, I could have probably gotten much better, and much closer to my dreams. However, the thoughts of ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I will fail anyway so why even try’, ‘no one will see what I have done (artistically, musically, etc.) anyway, so why does it even matter’ end up shattering those dreams on the very initial stages.
Today I realized something, hence this post as I will want to return to it. I may never be Dave Grohl from Foo Fighter, or Joan Didion or Dali to other people, but I may become those individuals to my own self. When I start believing in what I do and truly enjoying it, without a goal to impress someone, that will be a dream achieved for me. After all, if you are not confident and happy with what you do, how can you expect others to believe in you? I am 100% sure that none of those people sat around waiting for people to tell them they were good at what they did before they became good. No, they believed in themselves, and they made everyone believe that they were indeed ones of the best. Self-confidence has been a big topic for me for a long time, I keep finding ‘the truth’ and then straying away from it as the fears start popping back in. However, the more I work on it, the sooner I will achieve it. I know I am close, and I know I will keep working on it. I am good enough already and I am great at what I do, even if I am the only one who believes it.