Monday, August 15, 2016

Constant Struggle

I feel like my life is a constant struggle, a constant competition with my own self. I set up unrealistic goals and make up these rules for myself, that are almost impossible to follow, and then when I break those rules, I end up feeling lost, disoriented and empty. I get discouraged to pursue that goal, and I have to start from the beginning, setting up a new goal, creating new rules, trying to follow them. 

Why is that? Why do I continue doing this? I am always happy when other people are happy, but it seems like I can never be happy myself. Not that there are no things to make me happy - trust me, there are plenty, but somehow I always pick out the ones I need to worry about, I always focus on my failures, on those impossible rules. 

It is tiring. It's like I'm chasing an idea of something, but I don't even know what it is. It also does not help when that idea I'm chasing keeps changing, and every time I make up my mind, my mind starts racing, I start questioning my decision, and then I'm on to a new goal. Has it always been like this or was I better at making goals and sticking with them before? I guess it depends. When it comes to academics and my career path it seems to be easier to set up specific goals and stick to them. However, when it comes to my own self, to the person I am and the person I want to be, I face a dead-end. Who am I? What do I need to focus on to become a better person? What is my style? What are my goals, other than my career goals? 

There are two things I have been saying to myself for the longest time: "I just want to be healthy and happy." But what exactly does it mean? What does 'being healthy' mean and what are the specific things that will make me 'happy'? I hope the answer comes soon, until then I will continue wondering and just keep being me, just a Russian girl living in NYC, trying to figure this life out. 











Friday, August 5, 2016

Living Room Coffee Table

I realized recently that my blog has a few sections where I barely post anything. So I decided to start incorporating posts other than fashion to make sure those sections are also being filled up with some content. One such section is Interior Design. This is the area that I do wish I captured more on my blog as the apartment I live in currently has become a good representation of my (and my roommate's) personal style. 

For today's post, I would like to present you with a few pictures of the coffee table we have in our living room. To decorate it, we put a centerpiece of roses in a bubble vase, an elegant creamer and sugar bowl set (which, of course, is for decoration only. It's never actually being used), and a pile of magazines and books. I really like how the table turned out - it's elegant and classy, and still can be used to hold food and drinks when we decide to eat/drink in front of the TV.






Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Feminine and Edgy

The outfit I picked for today is a combination of feminine and edgy pieces. I paired this flowy skirt with a distressed denim jacket and chunky shoes. I love combining such different styles as, if put together correctly, it gives any outfit a fun, interesting finish. 






Sunday, July 31, 2016

Couch Potato (Impromptu Photoshoot)

This was the second day of the weekend with the parents. My mom and I were quietly sitting in the living room (well not quietly actually, we were chatting away as usually), and Eugene came over with all his equipment and decided to have an impromptu photoshoot. This is what came out of it.





















Saturday, July 30, 2016

Penn's Landing Photoshoot

This weekend I was visiting my parents in Philadelphia again. The first item on our itinerary was stopping by Penn's Landing, which is a waterfront area of Philadelphia Center City along the Delaware River, to shoot some photographs. Eugene [my stepdad] just bought yet another flash that yet again was "better than anything else he has," and we just had to test it out. We were not complaining though - it is not that often these days that we get together and specifically go to beautiful, scenic places to have a little photoshoot. 

The day was incredibly hot. Actually not as much hot as humid. It was supposed to rain but the rain took its time to begin, and we were left with the sticky, stuffy air around us. But that did not stop the progress, and we took our course to our selected destination. The process was as usually fun and entertaining - we ended up having an amazing time smiling, laughing, throwing snark remarks at each other for whose 'vision' of photography is best. As a result, we have a great library of beautiful photographs. Please see for yourself.