This year my birthday celebrations began a few days prior to the actual birthday. In Russia, there is a whole theory of how you cannot celebrate your birthday earlier since "you have not been born yet." But I've noticed that in the U.S. no one cares about these things, so I decided to side with the latter. Since my birthday fell on Tuesday, I went to Philadelphia the weekend before to celebrate with my parents. We were planning to go to this French restaurant in Philadelphia - Parc Restaurant. Once we got there and saw how crowded it was (and the wait was over an hour) we took a different course and headed towards our other favorite place on Philadelphia - Greek restaurant Estia. I spoke about this in the last post, but sometimes it is so important to just go with the flow instead of planning things. When we got to Estia, instantly we all realized that this place should have been our first choice. It's a very nice place which does not fail to make you feel special. I could not have hoped for a better outcome.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Monday, May 9, 2016
Saturday, May 7, 2016
I like planning. I plan so many thing that I get annoyed with my own self for not letting things just be. And when I plan things, I usually end up disappointed because things rarely happen the way I want them to and unexpected surprises always find their way into our lives. When things suddenly happen in a way you would not have imagined, you have to adjust. I feel sometimes like the themes of our lives can be summed up in that one word - "adjust." As much as we try to foresee certain things, we can never predict what is going to happen. So let's stop planning our every move and take changes as they come.
This Saturday I spent in Coney Island/Brighton Beach. The weather was very gloomy, but it actually suited the mood. Sometimes it is nice to embrace the sadness and wallow in it for a day or so (as long as you don't stay in it for a very long time). So that's what I did - I enjoyed my weird mood, I got it out of my system and I was on the way to feeling better eventually.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Do you ever feel like there is something wrong with you, but it feels right for you? You don't quite know what it is, so you cannot change it, but at the same time you don't really want to change it even if you knew. You are in this strange place where everything is dark but it appeals to you. You are happy and you are grateful but there is something you are constantly aware of and worried about. Is that normal? Or is that worth not being normal for?
I keep going through the same emotional pattern of being happy, then being afraid to lose what I have, then getting upset about what I don't have or can't get, then realizing that I should just enjoy what I have and work towards something else, then looking for that 'something else' and feeling absolutely lost, then finding it, and being happy all over again. Then the cycle repeats. Is that normal?
And why do I keep thinking about what is 'normal'? First of all, 'normal' has a lot of faces, it is different for every single person. Second, who needs to be 'normal'? I feel like that is something I have been struggling with my whole life. This feeling of having to conform to certain standards; the feeling of being afraid to think outside the box; the feeling that I want something else, but I don't know what it is and even when I do, it's usually out of reach because it does not fall into 'norm'.
Well, my birthday is in two weeks and I kept thinking: "What will be my goal for this year?". I have been feeling lost because I don't have anything to work towards. I have been feeling like all road are blocked; I have pushed myself to the limits and now there is nothing left. Now I have my answer. My goal is to get out of the box, break the standards, think and act outside the norm... My goal is to get in touch with my inner self on a different level, to learn what truly makes me happy, and to really understand who I am and what I want... My goal is to embrace the good as well as the bad of my individuality... My goal is to stop being afraid to be free .
Sunday, April 24, 2016
It finally happened - I picked up a camera and went outside to shoot some photographs. It has been a long time coming. I kept playing with an idea of learning more about the art of photography but I just never got my hands on it. I have always loved photography. To me, any good photograph speaks a thousand words. You do not need any special explanations if you capture the moment right. Through photography, you can capture the atmosphere of the scene and mood of your object.
It is also a truly amazing feeling to be able to adjust the camera settings to have just the right amount of light, to figure out that proper ratio for the components of the 'exposure triangle'. I am very excited to get into photography, and I hope something really great comes out of it.